Sometime you just have bad days.

When I read The Happiness Project (which I finally finished today), Gretchen Rubin specifically says that she isn't saying that this project will work for everyone (especially people with depression). However, it's an admirable goal, nonetheless and I intend to keep trying. 

By any normal circumstances, today would have been a good day. I woke up at about nine, bought myself breakfast, got a massage, bought myself some new stationary, went grocery shopping, hung out with my lovely housemates and a few added guests, went to work, got a ride home from a co-worker and I'm now lying in bed in my lovely new room watching tv and trying to fall asleep.

However, I was in a really bad mood earlier today. I have no idea why, but I spent my morning stuck in the past and felt like I was going to cry for hours (I never did). And when my friend Carrie called me (who I've known for ages and I love), I was really distant and finally had to just get off the phone.

Today has taught me something that I'm going to add to my list of commandments/rules to follow for this project:

Sometimes you'll have bad days. It doesn't mean it isn't working or that something bad is happening, but emotions aren't just based on will power and it's how you face your bad mood that matters.

Instead of hiding in my room and hating the world and listening to depressing music, I took a few minutes to relax and then I went and joined my housemates out by our kiddie pool and sat in the sun and tried to keep a positive attitude. It didn't work all the way, I was still in a bad mood and I still feel a bit sad now, but forcing myself to spend time with others made me infinitely happier than being by myself would have.

I choose this picture for today because it represents the fact that the shadows are always there, and it reminds me that I can acknowledge that and still spend time helping myself become happier.

Also, I've determined the perfect song for today is Another Day from the musical Rent. But only this verse:

The heart may freeze,

Or it can burn.

The pain will ease

If I can learn

There is no future

There is no past

I live this moment

As my last.

This is definitely something I need to work on. Overall, one of my main goals is that I need to break free of my tendency to ruminate on the past whenever I am reminded of someone or something that is no longer a part of my life. I'm not sure how to avoid this attachment to thoughts and memories that make me sad, but it's something I'm definitely going to start working on.